Monthly Archives: February 2014



Let’s talk endometriosis….because I think I might have it.  Excruciatingly painful periods.  Like nothing else.  When I am on my period, it hurts to pee, and it hurts so bad to poop that I get lightheaded and almost pass out from the pain.  I can’t really use tampons anymore either – they also hurt.  Sitting upright for the first two days is pretty impossible because it hurts so badly to sit.  And now I have found some bumps on my cervix.  I know they could be anything – there are totally benign reasons they could be there, and there are the super scary reasons.  But I know for a fact they haven’t always been there, and that I haven’t always had this kind of pain.

So, tell me folks who know about this, what do I need to know?  And how do you manage the pain?  I cannot seem to get a doctors appointment any time soon, so I need the internet to tell me what to do.


My scale isn’t moving and I am annoyed.  I know one reason:  hormones.  I am days away from “that time of the month” and I usually have a fairly substantive plateau before that.  But seriously, I am working my ass off.  I am doing between 45 mins and an hour of cardio 6 days a week, and strength training with my trainer 2 days as well.  My eating is good in terms of carb restriction, and I thought, calories.  But as I sit on this plateau frustrated, I am wondering if I need to increase my calories.

Last summer I met with a weight loss surgeon, exploring the idea of lap band surgery.   She gave me a prescribed diet of 1100 calories a day, lots of exercise, and highly restricted carbs.  Which is the diet I’ve been trying to maintain recently, but also with a focus on high protein.  Anyway, I decided not to do the lap band at this time because I need to just get my shit together.  Even if I do it eventually, I need to have a healthy baseline to work from.  I need to have fixed all of the bad habits and behaviors that have contributed to my fatness if anything at all will ever help me achieve my goal of being healthy and a healthy weight.  So, for now, no weight loss surgery is in the game plan.   Of course, it’s possible this plateau  is all hormonal, but if I am only capable of losing weight for 2 weeks every months because of hormones (hormones that can’t seem to function well enough for me to get pregnant, even), then this is going to be even more of an uphill battle.

However, I am tracking food and exercise using MyFitnessPal and my Polar FT80 and here’s what I have in terms of output/input over the past week:

2/12    52 Mins Elliptical – 604 Cals Burned – Ate 1457 Cals 

2/13    55 Mins Strength Training – 587 Cals Burned – Ate 1332 Cals

2/14    47 Mins Treadmill Incline Walking Intervals – 467 Cals Burned – Ate Unknown (forgot to record most of the day, but was in ball park of other days)

2/15     1H 2mins Treadmill Jogging Intervals – 644 Cals Burned – Ate 995 Cals

2/16    49 Mins  Treadmill Incline Walking Intervals – 504 Cals urned – Ate 1402 Clas

2/17   51 Mins Weight Training & 41 Mins Elliptical – 892 Cals Burned – Ate 1241 Cals

2/18    53 Mins Treadmill Incline Walking Intervals – 509 Cals Burned – Ate 1770 Cals

No day has greater than 30 Net Carbs Consumed during a 24 hour period.

So, why am I stuck????

Move Dammit!

Don’t Cave to the Crave


2 weeks.  For two weeks my eating has been spot on.  I’ve lost almost 8 pounds.  I’ve been working out regularly, and I got a new Polar FT80 watch and heart rate monitor to really track what I am doing in terms of fitness. And I am excited about it all.  I got this.

But today, there are donuts.  Someone brought them to work for Valentine’s day.  They are sitting next to the plate loaded with frosted sugar cookies.  The only sweets I have allowed myself for 2 weeks is a square of dark chocolate each night.   But these donuts, the smell of maple and sugar and glaze.  It really makes me realize what an addict I am.  I am sitting in my office, but I know they are there.  Calling out to me.  Begging me to eat one…or six.

I caved earlier.  I went back to get one.  Opened the box and stood there looking at them and smelling them.  I didn’t get one – because I couldn’t decide which one I wanted.  I was contemplating having 2… Then someone else walked back there and said, “do it!”, but after I told her all of the work  I have been putting into my diet and exercise, she said, “I changed my mind.  Don’t do it.  You don’t really want it.  Do you want me to push you out of here?”  And I totally appreciated her support.

So, today’s goal is to power through the sugar craving without caving.  I got this….right?

Round 2


I have received and used my second shipment of donor sperm.  Let me tell you, I am completely inept that this home insemination business!  I read about it online and it all sounds so very straightforward and simple.  Dump the “goods” in an Instead cup and carefully insert the cup taking care not to spill.


I don’t actually want to see a video of someone inserting one of these things without spilling, but I truly cannot figure out how the hell to do it.  I spoke to a midwife after I spilled most of my last shipment out of the cup last time to see what she would recommend.  She said, “First insert the sperm at the cervix, then put the Instead Cup over to keep it there.  It’s very easy.”  Perfect!  Since I couldn’t get it to work the first way, I decided to try this way this time.

Fail #2.  I might have gotten some to stay in there?  When you get a shipment of this stuff, it’s liquid.  The sperm has been mixed in a test yolk buffer, and you get a good amount of liquid.  It’s not like a fresh donation where things are a little less liquid and a lot less volume.  So, following my plan.  I’m laid up in bed, I get my hips all propped up.  Sperm loaded into the syringe.  Everything lubed up with a little Pre-Seed.  I’m ready.  Insert syringe near cervix.  Slowly – very slowly – begin emptying syringe of contents.  Within seconds this stuff is coming right back out!  I still haven’t emptied the syringe and I’ve got this liquid dripping out everywhere!  So, I finish emptying the syringe, remove it and as it’s coming out, the plunger pushes down a smidge more (I swear, I pushed it as much as I could while it was inserted!) and a small spray of shipped jizz lands on my thigh.  This is clearly going much more successfully than the last time. I grab the Instead cup and I’m trying to catch everything that leaked out to try to get it back in.  I truly have no idea how much, if any, sperm actually found it’s way into my body.  Easy says the midwife.  Easy say all of the perfect lesbian home inseminators on the internet.

Not easy!  I want to hear from other people on how they manage to get this done and keep all of the stuff where it’s supposed to be!  I mean, I know this has very little chance of working, but that little chance gets even exponentially smaller if I can’t get the sperm into place.  So, home inseminators, tell me your secrets!  I bow to your wisdom.

Biceps and Triceps and Calves, Oh My


So, I’ve been working out with my trainer for about 6 months now.  Some times have been more dedicated than others – December was a particularly tough month to get all of my training in.  

But I have been really consistent now for the past month and I am finally noticing real changes in both my fitness levels and my body.  I still haven’t lost much weight, and I still have the weight around my waist that just seems to never move.  But, my arms.  My arms are noticeably different.  I was showering this morning and when I washed my arms, they were hard.  They weren’t mushy.  They didn’t flop the way they used to.  And when I was sitting on the toilet this morning looking down in my morning haze, I noticed a shape in my calf muscle that I’ve not seen on my own body in probably 15 years.  It was round, and then cut in.  It was shaped like a real calf, not just a fat lower leg that tapers off at the ankle.

The belly fat is the worst, and I am making some diet and cardio changes to work on it, but my body is starting to have a shape other than amoeba.  And that is exciting.