I’m trying not to be prematurely distraught, but waiting these last few days for a truly definitive answer, when I am already 99% sure, is really, really difficult.  It’s hard to have to still think that this might still happen this time, even though my face and boobs say that it did not.  Those signs have always been 100%.  And yet, the science says that it’s too early to tell and I HAVE to keep waiting.

I also keep asking myself when I am just going to be ok walking away from this.  When will I be ok saying that this part of my life is over?  When will I reach a point where I do not tear up with some sadness for myself every time I learn of another friend getting pregnant?  When do I get to stop being bitter and jealous?  Will I EVER just get to be happy for people?

I’ve decided that before we use up our last vial of sperm, I want to be checked for endometriosis.  I have some symptoms, but they could also be other things.  But, we’ve never checked for this and I want to know for sure it’s not an issue.


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