I am going to go to a hypnotherapist. It feels like this weird, crazy secret to admit. So, there. I said it. I am going to a hypnotherapist.
I’ve been talking to my shrink about wanting LapBand surgery, and she suggested that I take a look at Hypnotherapy virtual gastric banding. Ok, I am willing to look at most things to see what they are about.
So, after much reading online, I call a local practitioner to learn more and see about a consultation so I can get a feel for what it would be like. We’re going to call this guy, Dr. Douchebag. So, Dr. Douchebag calls me back and basically says, “Did you read my website? Then what else could you possibly want to know?” And I explain that before I give him $700 for this, I want to experience it and understand how it works. AND, if it’s as effective as I read online, I want to know how it gets handled if someone gets pregnant. (Because with real lapband, they completely loosen it if you get pregnant – it’s not healthy for you and the baby to eat like that). So, in my moment of fertility optimism, I wanted to know. And it was at this time that he truly became Dr. Douchebag.
He first explained that I would just have to eat healthy if I got pregnant (OHHHHH, really? Thanks for the insight.) and then explained that I probably haven’t gotten pregnant yet because I am too stressed out about it. I explained how incorrect that was and gave him the 20,000 ft overview of my fertility challenges. He still felt that any sort of hypnotherapy would cure it because it would make me relax. And the inability to relax causes infertility. Haven’t I heard of people getting pregnant on vacation, or right after they adopt a child? I was pissed at how dismissive he was being by then and asked him if hypnotherapy was more effective than IVF, donor embryos, and if it could prevent repeat miscarriage due to genetic abnormality of the fetus? If so, then maybe he was onto something. But if not, perhaps this conversation was stepping out of bounds. But, Dr. Douchebag stuck to his guns saying I just needed to relax and it would happen. Oh, and if I wanted to try out hypnosis before plunking down $700, for a mere $150 he would do a consult with me.
I then explained that I was not comfortable with the price point and the service, so I would pass, thanks for his time. And I got a small monologue about how when he travels the world speaking at conferences, he charges $1,000 per session for his services, so $700 for 4 sessions was really nothing. I explained to Dr. Douchebag that maybe it was “nothing” in the market, but in my bank account, it was something. And I thanked him for his time, at which point he made a comment to the effect of, “Well, if you want to stay fat, that’s your life and your loss”, and I hung up. Fuck off!
The I found another place locally that does hypnotherapy, and they have incredible Yelp reviews (and a lot of them), and they seem much more professional, just based on their website. AND they offer a free consultation. They don’t do the specific “lap band hypnotherapy”, but they do address weight. And maybe that’s good enough. I spoke to the woman who runs the place on the phone, we’ll call her Dr. Nice, and set up an appointment for next week. Dr. Nice had a soothing manner, listened, answered my questions thoughtfully and was overall…nice. I trusted her. So, I set up an appointment for next week – I don’t know if I think it will work. I think it can work, and I think I am interested. And I suppose that’s all that matters at this stage of the game.
In other news, I am seriously beginning to wonder if I have Adult ADD. I have thought it before, but I forgot I was thinking about it. (Hmmmmm….ADD anyone?) I was reading about it earlier today and I really think I might have it. This will make for some interesting conversations in the coming week.