Life has been a whirlwind.  And that’s probably an understatement.  We’ve had family vacation, 2 birthdays, end of t-ball season and preschool graduation.

Last night was preschool graduation.  It was cute and sweet.  Today was the end of preschool picnic.  We were at the school for about 3 hours.  Kids playing, parents playing, parents talking.  Today it got emotional.  Saying goodbye to the place and people who have been a part of our lives since our son was 6 months old was really tough.  And saying goodbye to all of the parent friends we have made over the years was also hard.  We’ll stay in touch with a few, but largely, everyone is moving on in their own direction now.  Some paths will cross, some will not.  I am very weepy today.

I think today was harder, too, because I’ve always thought that even though Little Man was finishing up at the school, we would still be going there every day for sibling.  And sibling hasn’t happened.  And might not ever happen.  And as I come to terms with that fact, it means that all of these lasts are really final.   They aren’t just final for this child – they are it.  Yes, we still have at least one embryo transfer and I am cycling for that now, so anything is possible.  But given the path we have been on, I am not hopeful.

So, it really changes the experience when you approach it as if “this is it – we will never be in preschool again.”  Our kid is growing up.  There’s no baby left in him – he’s a little boy now.  And so now we are parents of a little boy and we’ll likely never be parents of a baby again.  And that’s emotional, and sad, and all sorts of feelings get kicked up.

Starting Monday, I’ll be taking my little boy to summer camp at his new elementary school.  Life is changing.

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