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I made it through Mother’s Day.  It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t fun, but I did it.

When my son was born, I had never given a thought to Mother’s Day – it just wasn’t relevant.  And then my first Mother’s Day rolled around and I wanted it to be special.  I wanted it to mean something on Mother’s Day that I had carried and birthed this baby.  But, I realized that my kid has 2 moms, so in our house, it’s pretty meaningless.  Nobody gets the day off, nobody gets treated special, it’s all run of the mill – because with two of us, how do you chose who gets celebrated?  She’s just as much his mom as I am – regardless of who birthed him.  I had a really, really hard time with it that first year.  I wanted it to be something special and meaningful for me and it wasn’t.

The second year I was a little better prepared mentally and I was used to the idea that Mother’s Day wasn’t going to be anything special and it wasn’t going to be meaningful.  I came to accept that I was just going to have to give up on that day being anything more than just any other day.  And I was trying to get ok with that.

And then 2 years ago, on Mother’s Day, I had my first miscarriage.  So a day that was already tense and challenging for me, became a day that was unbearable and heartbreaking.  Last year, this year – I forget how much Mother’s Day triggers me, but this year it was a very bad day.  I cried on and off all day – I was clearly miserable.  I tried to stay cheerful by staying busy.  I took my son to the park, went shopping, made breakfast for my Mother-in-Law…but it was all littered with tears.

But now it’s over, and I survived.

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