So, it turns out that when I am super stressed out and emotional and seem incapable of making a decision, I can find solace by making high dollar purchases. Which is counter productive, since the financial strain of this fertility stuff is part of the problem. Nonetheless, I am the owner a a new Yamaha cutaway electric acoustic guitar. It’s lovely, and it feels great to play. I didn’t need it though – I have a 10 year old Fender I bang on and it works just fine. I’m actually stressed out that I bought it, at the same time as being incredibly pleased with my purchase. My Wife said it can be my early birthday present.
In other news, I have a foot surgery scheduled. In the fall I was training for a 5K and I did one. My plan was to keep running and do them frequently. Then, I got a Ganglion Cyst inside the tendon over the 5th metatarsal on my left foot. Completely incapacitated. I can’t even walk one block without being reduced to tears. I’ve gained 35 pounds (also attributable to my emotional eating lapses…but also no exercise). So, I was looking to have a needle aspiration, but it’s so deep in the tendon it has to be surgically removed. The podiatrist is great – she moved her schedule around so she could fit me in and get the surgery done working around my IUI schedule. So it is scheduled for April 19 – the day before I go in for my follicle check ultrasound.
So, there’s a lot happening this month. I hope that all of the distractions will help my mental state. I’m still on edge. But, I have also been telling some local folks about what has been going on with the fertility stuff and it has helped. This is the first time I have really told my local friends and I picked a group of 4 friends and it was such a relief to tell them.
And I ended up talking to my son’s preschool teacher about it today. Which was also a relief. She’s pregnant and I have been having a really hard time not being bitter about that. But, today, after our conversation, I am at peace. And I am happy for her. And that’s unusual – I usually can’t get past my bitter to be happy for pregnant ladies. But his teacher told me that she lost two prior to this baby and all of that bitter just melted away and suddenly it was like, “Oh shit, she gets it. And she’s been through some hell, so how can I be bitter?”
And my co-worker is still talking about her pregnant friend who might not be keeping her baby. She said again that she’s going to try to see if we can make a connection if the woman is looking for an adoptive family. I am still trying not to get invested in that, but it’s an interesting possibility still on the horizon.