So, this cycle is over, officially. And I’m relieved. And sad. And angry. And bitter. But it will mostly pass. It always does.
When the nurse called with my results today, she asked if I had any questions or needed anything else. So, I told her I wanted to know what was next. She fumbled in my chart and said that I have some frozen embryos left, which I confirmed. I also reminded her that I have a single vial of sperm left from the same donor that my son was born from. And she asked if I wanted to do an IUI, I told her I was considering it. She pretty much said that I could do whatever I want. She offered me injectibles, femara, clomid. Really? Well, I’ve been at this for long enough, I can come up with my own treatment plan. But seriously, Clomid? Come on, I am not even ALLOWED to take clomid again because I had such intense visual side effects, some of which have turned out to be permanent.
But here’s the thing. I shouldn’t have to come up with my own treatment plan. And nobody should be offering me Clomid or Femara. We moved past those ages ago. I should get to consult the doctor. I might call and ask to consult with the doctor – I am really, really annoyed.
But, I need to let go of all of the negativity I’ve been living with for the past few weeks (8 days? 12 days? I don’t know – feels like a year to me). Anyway, I need to be better and more peaceful. I am just drowning in the negativity and bitterness and I can’t live like this. I have to regroup. Maybe now that we are truly done with this one, I can start to try to do that.