Stupid

Standard

I am an idiot. I couldn’t help myself and I bought another pack of tests last night. I POAS this morning and it was clearly and definitively positive. All this serves to do is likely give me false hope.    And that kind of sucks because I still can’t see how there could be a happy ending here. Wife already said she’s worried we are heading for another D&C- that’s what happened with our last low HCG that kept rising but was a BO. Now we wait for the results of today’s blood draw, I can’t help feeling a little hopeful and that terrifies me.

My nurse for the blood draw has been with me for 2 years now and she did my follow up beta last cycle, and I asked all sorts of questions last time, so today she just asked if I am doing ok. I told her yes, I didn’t tell her about the HPT. The blood draw was somewhat somber and like we both had an understanding of the expected outcome. Whic would have been the case if I had not POAS this morning.

My dumb ass should have jut left well enough alone and waited for beta results.

Edited later to add:  I used a Target brand test this morning, and my Google obsession has now led me to believe that those tests have a reputation for being inaccurate.  Which means I am even MORE of a dumb ass for POAS.

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