Heart vs. Brain

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Here’s the thing.  I KNOW this is a chemical pregnancy.  And it’s probably already over.  I know that.  Every ounce of my intellect knows it.  Yet, my heart seems terribly attracted to the lies that Google spreads.  Brain said, “Don’t do a Google search.  Why are you doing a Google search? This. Will. Not. End. Well.”  Heart plugged her little ears and shouted louder than brain, “SUNSHINE, FAIRIES, RAINBOWS!  SUNSHINE, FAIRIES, RAINBOWS!” and took over and did the damn Google search.  Heart usually wins over brain.

I found 2 stories, count them 2 – of people with betas as low as mine, who went on to have healthy babies.  That’s right, in the whole great big interwebs, I found 2 stories.  Which has led my naive, damaged, little heart to think, “If it could happen twice, it could happen again!”.  And in turn, my brain calls my heart a dumb ass and repeats, “This. Will. Not. End. Well.”

Google really is evil, spreading all of that false hope.  So is having to wait 4 days to confirm a chemical pregnancy.  Seems to me we probably could have been done with all of this yesterday, which would have been a 48 hour repeat beta.  I was going to POAS this morning just to see if anything showed up, but I forgot.    Maybe I’ll do it tonight.  Maybe I should just leave well enough alone and save my pee stick for next time.  The confirmation beta is tomorrow anyway.

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One response »

  1. I am totally guilty of doing the same thing. Every time. Even after my D&C, I googled “my doctor was wrong, it wasn’t a miscarriage” shit. Ridonkulous, especially since I saw the damn ultrasound myself. Still, the heart is a crazy organ.

    I am hoping that tomorrow brings some clear cut answers.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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