You didn’t really think I was going to let matters rest after one negative HPT, did you? What woman, in year 2 of intensive infertility treatments, tests once at the equivalent of 12 DPO and loses all hope? We all seemingly manage to convince ourselves that it was too early, or maybe tomorrow I’ll get the second line. You see, the interwebs is our best friend and our worst enemy because it’s full of stories of women who got their BFP later than normal. And that gives us false hope. But, damn, we need hope to get through the day. Those women who got their BFPs late… THAT COULD BE US. We could be the exception this time. Right? Right? Right?
At least at this point I am smart enough to know that I can’t use those damn Clearblue Digitals that say “pregnant” or “not pregnant”. Seeing the words “not pregnant” first thing in the morning is too harsh and real and doesn’t let me ease into the reality of it. It’s like a big, fat, iron-knuckled, punch in the uterus.
So, last night I bought some CVS brand, where all I am waiting for is another line to show up. No line, you know what that means, process at your own pace. No little plastic test is laying the smack down by shouting “NOOOOT PREGNANT”. So, I waited my 2 minutes and then saw there was no second line, which was no surprise. But I still tilted it, and squinted, and held it up to the light…willing a second little blue line to appear. And it didn’t.