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One of these days I am going to have to stop crying so much.  I only broke out into tears 3-4 times during my baseline today.  Only.

As it were, my baseline went really well.  Everything is quiet, he said my lining was already showing signs of the triple stripe, which is a good sign.  So, all of that being what it is, our next FET is scheduled for March 7.  That way I can go on my vacation this month and not have to worry about being in the doc’s office.

Today was the day I needed to sort out the issue of donor embryos.  That’s when it got emotional.  If ours don’t make the thaw, or if only one of ours makes the thaw, I wanted to use donor embryos to supplement.    So, my clinic has a stand alone donor embryo program, and if I understand it correctly, and I think I do, they create the embryos from donor sperm and donor eggs.  These embryos are available with no strings attached because the donors have no ties to them and are anonymous.  So, for a specified dollar amount, you can get into the program and have 3 FETs.  And that is the only way to access these embryos.  And I don’t have the specified dollar amount available to buy into that program, so we cannot go that route.

The other option for donated embryos is from couples who are donating the embryos they will not use after their successful IVF.  These have strings attached.  However, after some conversation, it appears that there might be a good match for us.  It looks like the issue right now might be making contact and getting all of the agreements in place prior to our March FET.  We may have to sit down in a room and meet the donating couple, but they are a same sex couple who used donor eggs and donor sperm, and I think the strings attached will be lesser than if it were their own genetic material.  Based on the conversation I had with the doctor today,  I actually think the strings would be more related to allowing the children (biological siblings) to meet later in life.  And we are very agreeable to that – later in life.  We already have to deal with the donor issue when it comes to sperm anyway, so this just adds another little twist.

It was in the course of these conversations with the doc, when I had to explain that we are out of money and cannot afford this anymore, that the tears started falling.  I kept apologizing – I HATE, and I mean HATE HATE HATE, crying in front of people.  Anyone.  I had to explain that we can’t afford another frozen transfer, so I need to make it happen this time.  And the he explained that if it just the cost of the frozen transfer that would be holding us back, that can be worked out.

Just so the world knows, if anybody has some embryos you aren’t looking to use, I’m accept donations.

So, in all, it was a good appointment.  I am disappointed that we cannot access the “no strings attached” embryos, but I do understand why.   I am SO emotional right now, and I’m not even on any hormones!  The world better watch out once I start Vivelle again.

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3 responses »

  1. Jes just asked if it would be weird to give you our leftover embryos. We have two which she insists we will use so she can have the birth she wants…nevermind that we have to keep and raise it after that. If I talk her out of it you can have them but it’ll be at least 5 years. 🙂
    BTW I clearly have great timing to text about stupid tax questions. Sorry! Hang in there. I agree this whole thing blows donkey dick.

  2. Crying is very ok! You deserve to cry. Your dream is not happening the way you had planned, and crying is expected. Of course that does not mean you will not end up with a baby! Hang in there!!! You have so many friends pulling for you and Heather. There WILL be a happy ending that includes a baby. XOXO

  3. Chris – While I appreciate the thought, there is no way in hell I’ll be doing this in 5 years.

    Thanks Stacy – I rely on the optimism of other people these days because I just don’t have any left…. and I really appreciate the support!

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