I’m having a tough time tonight. A friend is having her baby tomorrow. And she went through a whole lot of hell to get this baby. She deserves this baby – and I AM happy for her. I am. That’s the first time I’ve been able to say that with all honesty in a long time. I’m never happy for anyone having babies anymore. But I am happy for her.
And I’m also sad for myself. I guess it just kicked me into emotional gear today. She and I were both trying to get pregnant at the same time for quite a while and now I’m going to watch her have her baby and I still am not, and probably won’t ever be, pregnant. In the time I have been trying to get pregnant, I have watched 10 friends get pregnant and have babies. TEN. It’s like I’m moving in slow motion in the midst of a world moving along in fast forward. Meh. It’s just a bad day. I’m trying to start accepting that we are moving out of the “It’s possible we won’t get pregnant” phase into the “It’s likely we aren’t going to get pregnant” phase. Some days I can handle that better than others. Today is one of the others.