The follow up beta results are in and HCG has dropped to 2.2.  We officially have a chemical pregnancy that is self resolving.  I am stopping the vivelle dots and endometrin immediately and expect AF to arrive within 3-5 days.  I’ll start BCP on CD 3 and we’ll be moving towards our next transfer immediately.

I know it might sound awful, but I am relieved.  I know that everyone knows someone who has had a successful pregnancy with a low beta, but I never have.  I have had a lot of low betas and every single one ended in a miscarriage.  I’ve had to go through weeks of waiting, being tortured because of the uncertainty of not knowing if this was the one that was going to make it, just to find no heartbeat and end up in outpatient surgery with a D&C because the miscarriages were not happening on their own.  I am relieved that we have a clean break.  There are no weeks of not knowing.  There’s no surgery.  There’s no sitting around waiting to do another cycle.  It’s just done.  We can just move on.  If you have to have a failed pregnancy, this is the sanest way to have to deal with it.

After all of this time and experience, you just start measuring things in bad and worse.  Worse than an immediate negative answer is weeks of uncertainty ending with a loss.  Worse than that, carrying to almost the end of the first trimester, seeing a heartbeat and walking in for a routine appointment to find the heartbeat is gone.  Bad and worse.  At this point, I am relieved to only have to deal with bad.


One response »

  1. I totally get it. I wanted my last pregnancy to be over quickly if it was going to fail. Naturally we got to nine weeks and a heartbeat before the big letdown :/
    I’m sorry for your loss though. It’s so hard even when it’s “just” a chemical.

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