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Here’s the part where I start obsessing, because for the first time, it actually feels real.  Like we might actually do a transfer.  We’ve been doing IVF with retrievals and freezing since August.  So, since then, I haven’t had any cycle in which we had any chance or hope of getting pregnant.  This is the first time in a while.  I’m trying to keep myself in check, trying to keep level headed, and keep from getting excited or stressed.  I’ve done everything in my control to make next week a success.

Day before transfer – work, lunch with good friend and acupuncture.

Day of transfer – transfer, acupuncture, rest

Day after transfer – rest, shrink appointment

See, it’s all very meticulously planned out.

It’s just that I start to hyperventilate a little everytime I think about the fact that we only have 5 in the freezer and it is possible that none of them will survive the thaw.  I am trying to make sure that I am prepared for that possibility.  But I am pretty sure that no matter how hard I try to prepare myself, nothing is going to take away the complete heartbreak and devastation that will come if that happens.  That would not be a failed cycle – that would be the end.  And no matter how much I mentally go through that, I’ll never be emotionally prepared.

So, please send a prayer or positive energy or kind thoughts or whatever it is you put out in the universe to wish good luck.  I can already tell I’m going to be very on edge between now and next week.

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