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(Originally posted in weight loss blog)

 

I need to control variables so I can better determine what’s going on. My weight loss plateaued. At the time, I was both expecting my period AND eating very low calories. I always have a weight loss plateau the few days before my period, so I know that. But, because I also ate so few calories, everyone was telling me that I put my body in starvation mode.

So, rather than continue eating that level of calories and wait out my period, to see if that was the issue, i increased my calorie intake to 1200 a day. And I got my period. And I started losing weight again. SO – I didn’t control the variables so I don;t know which thing was the issue. I generally feel better on 1200 calories than 700, so i think i will stick with 1200 and see if I keep losing.

Whoa…I just had a crazy thought. I mean, I’m actually going to sound crazy here. For the past 3 weeks or so, I’ve been feeling pretty empty and emotionless about the miscarriage. Which has struck me as odd – I should be sad and feel something. Some sort of healing or sadness or anger or something. But I have been pretty numb. I haven’t felt anything about it – which I then felt was somehow odd. I wonder if my low calorie/borderline starvation has been an attempt to make myself feel something. Or to punish myself for not feeling anything. I mean, I have been hungry and I just would not let myself eat. I justified it in the name of weight loss, but I am beginning to think that I had ulterior motives against myself.

And that’s a lot of crazy to try to digest tonight.

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