Real Life


I’ve returned home from what turned out to be a very, very good trip to Washington DC. Sometimes seeing one of your oldest and closest friends is the perfect thing to help you feel less shitty. I didn’t even cry the whole time I was gone until she dropped me off at the airport today and then it was brief – I was just really appreciating that she had come to see me and I got all emotional.

I have my post-op from the D&C tomorrow. I haven’t been back to the OB office since we had the ultrasound when we found out the heart had stopped. I am nervous as hell about going back to that office. I know it will be fine, but you know how you associate bad experiences with certain places? That’s the deal with this.

I am worried that I have emotional shit going on that I’m not dealing with. I have had severe intestinal issues since a few days after the surgery. I hadn’t thought much about them being related to potential mental issues until this morning. For the first time since the surgery, the issues improved yesterday. Which was the one full day I was away. This morning, the problem was back, with a vengeance. My friend pointed out that it could be attached to nerves. At that exact moment, I was incredibly relaxed and I didn’t think that was the case. But truly, in hindsight, I had a lot of underlying anxiety of coming home and getting back to real life.

Real life.

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