I’m trying to keep my stress levels down. I’m losing weight. I’m trying to feel like I am in control of something. Whether I am or not is a different question, but I am at least trying.
One of my major stressors is the fact that I never wanted my children to be this far apart in age. I feel so strongly about it that I have seriously considered not trying again to get pregnant. Which also stresses me out significantly. I mean, it tears me up to think about it. So, I am trying to reconcile the age difference with what I want in my family because the thought of not having another kid truly makes me heartbroken. And it also makes me heartbroken that is 100% impossible for my family to ever be how I wanted it to be. It just makes me terribly sad that my kids will be so far apart in age. Will they ever be close? I cry just thinking about it.
But, I am trying to make peace with it. I have 2 choices here. Keep trying to have another kid and cope with the fact that my family will not be exactly what I wanted, but it will be closer. Or, stop trying and be content with things the way they are.
I have to cope and adjust my expectations of how my kids will relate to each other. It’s not easy for me. I struggle with it every single day. But, I am working on it. I need to get more at peace with this issue before it’s time to start trying to get pregnant again.