(Originally posted in LiveJournal)
So, now it’s just a question of how do I move forward – both emotionally and physically from this. Hawaii helped, for sure. But it didn’t cure – I suppose only time will be able to do that. I am fighting a battle with depression that set in as this happened – my pills and shrink are effectively helping to deal with that, but it’s definitely a fight. I am also fighting with emotional eating and weight issues resulting from this.
In all honesty, I just want to be pregnant. That one is gone – it didn’t work out. I accept that and am working to deal with it. What is just so excruciating at the moment is not knowing what is next or when I can try again. After the miscarriage was confirmed they told me I had to wait 2 weeks and have another blood draw, which I did Tuesday of this week. When I tried to get them to talk to me about when I could try again, all they would tell me was “When your body is ready” which is not helpful to me. And that’s still the only answer I have from them. I am truly hoping that when the results from this week’s test are here, we can put a timeline on it. It would really help me move past the loss to know when I could actually move forward. I wonder how long it takes to get the results – the last several blood draws had results same day…it’s been 2 days of waiting this time and still no word.
In life, in general, I hate waiting. This is even worse because I have so much emotion tied to it.