Hanging On to False Hope


(Originally posted in LiveJournal)


Because nothing is 100% yet, I continue to find ways to convince myself that I haven’t miscarried. One minute I give in to the idea, the next I have 20 reasons that I might still be pregnant. Certainly desire can be a significant motivator for one to lie to herself. But you see, the reasons are not totally unreasonable. 1) I never had heavy bleeding – never as heavy as a period. 2) My last bloodwork – the HCG did not double every 48 hours in the last bloodwork, but it did double every 72 hours. And that’s an acceptable rate based on almost everything I have read. 3) The bleeding has almost stopped. It’s light spotting now. 4) Could it be a vanishing twin? I know I had 2 follicles, thus the potential of two babies. I have read a lot of accounts sounding just like mine that were vanishing twins. I guess tomorrow is the day that I’ll get some more solid information and will have to face this, no matter how much it sucks. I expect another set of HCG results tomorrow afternoon. No matter how you cut the numbers, my HCG needs to be over 1500 tomorrow.

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